But, I’m Not a Mom…
That’s the thought that runs through my head when I wonder what kind of legacy I’ll leave behind some day. I watch my friends with their kids and they are creating memories of laughter and silliness and family fun. And I’m over here hugging my dog.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my lil’ Ajah B.; but she’s twelve and a half years old and she’s got some health issues and the circle of life isn’t on my side in this situation. Parents are supposed to live longer than their kids – that doesn’t apply to fur babies.
Wow. This got dark! Sigh…
Anyway, I’m just sharing my feelings with you. My raw, unfiltered feelings. It’s 4th of July weekend 2016, and I’m sipping my coffee at my kitchen table on Friday at noon. Steven Furtick is yelling at me through my Bose speaker because the chatter is super loud today. It’s telling me things like…
- “You suck. Really really suck. Bad.”
- “Look how lonely your life looks. It’s so quiet. Who wants that?”
- “You’re not a mom. What you do won’t even matter because no one’s here to keep it going when you leave.”
- “That fight you had with Nate, it’s all your fault because you’re horrible.”
- “Feel that, that’s CF. It’s only a matter of time before you end up in the hospital again.”
- “The goals you wrote down earlier this year are a joke. NONE of them are even close to happening right now!”
I could go on, but I think you get the point. I’m fighting a battle here and I want to punch the enemy in the throat! So I’m going to fight with my words right here in this blog post. Why? Because…
What I DO and what I SAY and how I choose to influence those around me DOES matter – no matter what the enemy tries to tell me.
The truth is, I love my life. I get choked up thinking about all that I have accomplished (with God’s help) in the last six years since we lost everything in the fire. Several months after our apartment fire, I was having coffee with my parents in downtown Fargo on a Saturday afternoon. Nate was working in the oil field already and we were getting ready to move to Bismarck. I have one of those memories that remembers almost every detail of conversations and moments that matter – and even those that don’t – and I remember standing outside on the sidewalk talking to my Dad. Somehow we were talking about the dreams I wanted to accomplish one day and I told him, “My dream is to have a life coaching company where I can help people overcome things, and I can speak and write at the same time.”
And today, that’s a reality.
It only took six years…and TONS of dark days. Sad days. Lonely days. Confusing days. Days where I wanted to give up (and let’s be honest, I sometimes still want to give up). But in those days of sowing and planting, there were days of joy and laughter and dreaming and friendship. It’s been worth it. And it will always be worth it, no matter what comes my way, because I’m walking in my calling. And that’s a beautiful thing.
So the enemy can suck it!
I may not be a mom, but I have influence over precious people that God has trusted me with. And whatever my legacy is with them, the biggest legacy is going to be what I sow into the lives of my family and my team. I stand in awe as I see the team that God has surrounded me with. A team that IS family to me. I get to work with my best friend of over 20+ years. And it works! I get to help my other best friend grow into her dreams. I get to call out the greatness that is hidden inside each of the Men in the Den, including my husband. (Okay, I probably have room to grow with that one.) And I may not be a mom, but I get to be an adopted Auntie to four littles that I love with my whole heart, and the regular kind of Auntie to a brand new niece in my husband’s family, and I can’t wait to meet her.
I may not be a mom…but that doesn’t mean that I’m not valuable.
I’m guessing that there’s probably a “But I’m not ___________” in your life today too. You know what it is. It’s that thought right below the surface, and it’s threatening to bring you down into the pits of despair. There’s absolutely no shame in admitting that it’s there – in fact, that’s how you begin to overcome it. Shine a light on it, and then SLAY that lie with TRUTH! That’s how we fight back. That’s how we rise up. That’s how we grow stronger.
Yes, it will feel scary. Yes, you’ll feel like you’re standing naked in front of an entire auditorium full of people when you do. But you’ll also feel stronger. Bit by bit, your strength will grow and you’ll discover the truth isn’t buried that far away after all.
It doesn’t matter what you’re NOT – all that matters is who you ARE.