Sometimes I wonder…is hope a cruel joke that God dangles in front of us and then takes it away with a villainous laugh?
I had a conversation with my dad back in May of this year.
It was the day I found out that I had to go off of Trikafta because my liver enzymes were elevated. I was devastated and needed to cry it out. So I went on a bike ride and talked to God as I peddled. And then I ran into my dad on the bike trail. We talked and hugged and cried a bit together.
Moments like that are needed between parents and their kids who have a disease.
Later that day my dad called to see how I was doing. That’s when I told my dad that I felt as though God was playing a cruel joke on me. And he said this, “Mandy, you know I love you so much and I would never do that it to you, right?”
I sniffled and choked out an answer, “yeah, I know…”
“Well, Mandy, God is a much better father than I will ever be. He would never do that either. You know his heart and you know it’s true.”
My dad is right.
But sometimes it feels like God is playing a joke on us.
Right? Have you felt that too?
In those moments where my human emotions try to make sense of things and it feels like what I’ve been hoping for is suddenly tugged away from my grasp – when I question “is hope a cruel joke,” – I’ve learned to lean in and be vulnerable. With God. Because He can handle my emotions better than anyone else. He’s not shocked that I would think that of him. He is also wise enough to know that just because I’m wrestling with those thoughts it doesn’t mean that’s what I truly believe about him.
If you’re in this spot now, where you feel like what you’ve been hoping for is suddenly snatched from you, I encourage you to be vulnerable with your Creator. He can handle it.
And then…keep hoping. Keep reaching. It matters.
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